I have told you before of how much I hated filling up forms, especially when it contains questions that leave you choosing between a mere yes or no. I hated it so much that I am now on my last day of filling it up and pressing the "informing the firm" before it hits the deadline. (That and maybe I am still ambivalent bout this immigrating thing. heehee). I also hate it so much that yes, I took a day off from work just so I could focus on this thing. Talk about pet peeves and all!
As I got to the part of filling the Client Intake Sheet for Nurses, that's when I started to crack up because of the ultimate absurdities I have to answer. If only I was THAT crazy, I'd be screwing this thing big time! Below are the following questions that unfortunately, someone as "pilosopo" as me have to answer:
Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. Knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested? - gee... I'm so sorry... Am no politician's daughter. Does getting away with traffic offences count? I am nearly perfecting my "please don't give me a ticket" pout already e.
Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been arrested, cited, charged, indicted, fined, or imprisoned for breaking or violating any law or ordinance, excluding traffic violations? - no. I wish I was Paris Hilton, but I'm just too darn fat to pull it off.
Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. Been the beneficiary of a pardon, amnesty, rehabilitation decree, other act of clemency or similar action? - nearly. Will run to the hills and join them NPA dudes just for kicks.
Have you ever Within the past 10 years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future? - hmmm... tempting! I once became a wife, the most expensive form of prostitution - does this count? And I'm planning to be a world class pimp too! How 'bout that?
Have you ever Engaged in any unlawful commercialized vice, including, but not limited to, illegal gambling? - Is this a trick question? I'm going to Vegas! Where all vices are legal! It's like asking me "Are you fun enough for Vegas?". How 'bout making fun of posers?
Have you ever Knowingly encouraged, induced, assisted, abetted or aided any alien to try to enter the U.S. illegally? - This is supposed to be one top secret, but... remember Roswell?
Have you ever Illicitly trafficked in any controlled substance, or knowingly assisted, abetted or colluded in the illicit trafficking of any controlled substance? - Imagined it a couple of times. Aaaahhh.... The druglord life!
Have you ever engaged in, conspired to engage in, or do you intend to engage in, or have you ever solicited membership or funds for, or have you through any means ever assisted or provided any type of material support to, any person or organization that has ever engaged or conspired to engage, in sabotage, kidnapping, political assassination, hijacking, or any other form of terrorist activity? - I only terrorize students who are on the brink of getting a 5.0 from me.
Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in espionage? - Knowing my being a James Bond fan, yes I would in my fantasy world. Would be so nice to utter lines like "I'm Onatopp, Xenia Onatopp" and smother enemies using my big, fat legs.
Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in the U.S. in any activity a purpose of which is opposition to, or the control or overthrow of, the Government of the United States, by force, violence or other unlawful means? - I'm a Filipino, right? Filipinos are notorious for wanting to overthrow every administration by force.
Have you ever been a member of, or in any way affiliated with, the Communist Party or any other totalitarian party? - umm... no. How about some Rave party?
Did you, during the period March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever order, incite, assist or otherwise participate in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion? - WTF???
Have you ever engaged in genocide, or otherwise ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the killing of any person because of race, religion, nationality, ethnic origin, or political opinion? - Yes I have! *sobbing* I'm so sorry to those ants cohabitating with me on my bathroom sink!
Are you under a final order of civil penalty for violating section 274C of the Immigration Act for use of fraudulent documents or have you, by fraud or willful misrepresentation of a material fact, ever sought to procure, or procured, a visa, other documentation, entry into the U.S., or any other immigration benefit? - Lemme check... my passport says "Charlize Theron". Oooops!
Have you ever left the U.S. to avoid being drafted into the U.S. Armed Forces? - If only they asked about the things I've done to escape CAT!
Do you plan to practice polygamy in the U.S.? - I am not a bombshell actress. I don't even intend to get married again anytime soon (unless...)! This is funny! Who would ever want to have more than one pain-in -the-ass husband? Think about it... divorce costs, the emotional trauma, the hassle of filling up multiple forms such as this, having more than two wedding dresses, yada...yada... Ok, so I'm bitter, but polygamy just won't do. Can men, like, say "Marry me" when they really mean it? Ask me again if we're talking about Joaquin Phoenix, Brandon Routh, and John Travolta... I just might reconsider.
Have you, or your spouse or children been convicted of a felony? - How about the potential to become one. heehee.
Of course, I had to restrain myself and answer it with all sincere and unfortunately BORING honesty.
NO.
3 comments:
Oy. Ang ganda naman ng blog na ito. Sasabihin ko sa mga barkada kong sina apeng, miniong, at brother manok sa cafeteria na laging tangkilikin.
^^
also apeng daldal, mr. truman! geez dude! you cracked me up with this one.... now go make YOUR own blog entry. :P
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